True Happiness Depends On Never Compromising These Three Things

: By AJ Earley

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True Happiness Depends On Never Compromising These Three Things
A roadside quotation, near Coimbatore, India. Photo Credit: Ajay Tallam (CC 2.0)

The path to true happiness is not a singular paved road, with smooth sailing for all who traverse it. Rather, it’s an omnidirectional maze of bumps and kinks and potholes that all are sure to get lost in at several points in our lives. It can get confusing, but the most important thing is to keep moving forward.

In a labyrinth, that can be tough: sometimes you’ll circle back to the same spot several times before you realize you’ve got to try a different route. The best way to avoid that particular brand of déja vu is to make sure you never compromise three of the most important things in life, no matter how dark or confusing the road gets.

Never Stay In A Job You Hate

Society has, for centuries, conditioned us to be cogs in a wheel. The rise of capitalism and the ludicrously unbalanced distribution of wealth only furthers the notion that the most important thing in life is stability. That is: a stable income, a stable home, benefits to take care of the health of you and your family, and maybe even a way to save money for the future.

While these things are important, it has been shown time and time again that they should not be of the utmost importance. An article about big money vs. job satisfaction puts it this way: everyone needs some amount of income to be happy, as it’s extremely stressful to not be able to make ends meet month after month. However, after a certain point, wealth ceases to provide us happiness.

You may find yourself having to work a job that you dislike while you search for the ideal career, or you might have to start from the bottom and work your way up to the position that brings you the most emotional and mental reward, and both of those things are fine. However, sticking with a job that makes you miserable long-term is never worth the money. A job needs to fulfill a number of needs to provide meaning to our lives, and economic stability is only one of those needs.

It’s also important to remember that you shouldn’t stick with something just because you are good at it. Many people excel at mathematics, but not all of them would be happy as an accountant their whole lives. Jennifer Brown, a professor in Arizona State University’s College of Health Solutions, tells her story of job fulfillment:

She worked as a marketer for a large corporate law firm for eight years before she discovered her true passion for yoga and health advocacy. She wasn’t at all bad at her job, but she wasn’t emotionally fulfilled, either, so she moved across the country, went back to school studying nutrition, and became the proud educator she is today. She loves what she does and is happy to be surrounded by such diverse students. Her spot in a top law firm seemed like an ideal career for most, but for Jennifer, her own happiness came first. Yours should too.

Never Stay In A Toxic Relationship

When it comes to your mental and emotional health, the people you surround yourself with have a much larger impact than you could ever imagine. While it is true that all relationships, especially romantic ones, take work and will never be perfect all the time, it is important to be cognizant of whether or not a relationship is harming you more than it is helping. Abuse comes in all different forms, and some are more difficult to detect than others. Neglect and emotional abuse are often overlooked in the early stages of a relationship, but they are the precursors to physical and sexual violence.

Sometimes it’s hard to know the difference between a toxic individual, and someone that means well but just has a few issues that need to be worked on (which is all of us, as humans are inherently imperfect.) Keep an eye out for the common traits of toxic people, and also try and educate yourself about and beware of the cycle of abuse. Some of these red flags are non-negotiable, while others may be more of a gray area.

One of the best ways to tell if you’re dealing with a toxic individual as opposed to an imperfect human being is whether or not they’re willing to work on the problem to make things better. Every relationship should be a give-and take, and both parties should be willing to take a conscious approach to building and maintaining a healthy relationship.

It can be difficult to nix toxic people from your life, especially if they’ve been around for a long time. Guilt will likely take hold no matter what, but this doesn’t mean you are doing the wrong thing. Please remember that this applies to all relationships: whether you just started dating or you’re married and have kids, whether it’s a long-time friend or even a family member, you deserve better than someone who consistently makes you doubt yourself and feel like you’re not good enough.

Never Stick With Something Just Because You Feel Obligated

This one sounds counter-intuitive, because we all have obligations and expectations. But it’s important to know the difference between everyday obligations that we fulfill because it contributes to a life we love, and the ones that make us compromise our morals, beliefs, and true selves to meet other’s expectations.

Some days you might not want to get up early to make your children and/or your partner lunch, but you do anyways because it contributes to your family and your overall happiness. That is fulfilling a healthy obligation. Quitting your job to become a stay-at-home parent when you don’t feel happy or fulfilled without pursuing a career you love just because others expect you to, or tell you that you can’t be a good parent if you’re working full time, is an example of compromising yourself to meet the expectations of others.

When a hospice nurse interviewed those on their deathbeds, she found that the majority of them had the same five regrets. Among the top five were these two: “I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me,” and “I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.” Both of these seem to fall pretty well in line with the theme of not giving up too much of yourself to please others. In the end, it’s never worth it.

About the Author

AJ Earley is a personal chef, freelance writer, travel junkie, and root beer float enthusiast from Boise, Idaho... and now, a contributing writer at InnerSelf.com